Areas for improvement on an Upstart article


dont sugar coat stress
The text lacks visual appeal without sub-headings, bullet points and photos

After browsing through online articles on health, particularly on obesity, I came across an interesting story on ABC News Online entitled “Emotional eating fuelling Australia’s obesity epidemic, psychologist says”.

I found another article on Upstart that tackled the same topic with the headline, “Don’t sugarcoat stress”.

Although Upstart’s story has a catchier headline, it has several areas for improvement.

Scrolling the entire text is overwhelming since it looks lengthy and it does not have sub-headings to give readers an idea of what they are getting. Subheadings enhance the scannability of a webpage, because they give readers numerous entry points into the material (Rohumaa & Bradshaw, 2011, p. 37).

It would have also been better for Upstart to post key points about the article so that readers will have a gist of the story and its important parts. This can also enhance the audience’s recall of the story.

I also suggest pictures to be included in the article, to add to its visual appeal. Lastly, media-sharing buttons to other social networking sites will increase the article’s readership.

Despite the article’s areas for improvement, it still has good features. It is well tagged and a number of hyperlinks are available to lead readers to other sites which contain the story’s sources of information. . Hyperlinking allows multilinear or multisequential reading of text (Tapas, 2006, p.38). It also has interactive features wherein readers can comment on the article by leaving a reply below and they can also respond to the author via his twitter account which is hyperlinked on the page.

Name: Patricia Andrea Patena

Student ID: 460071754

Word Count: 258 words


Rohumaa, L. and Bradshaw, P. (2011) ‘Writing for the Web’. In: The Online Journalism Handbook: Skills to Survive and Thrive in the Digital Age. Routledge.

Tapas, Ray (2006) Multimediality, Interactivity and Hypertextuality, in Online Journalism, New Delhi: Foundation Books.




3 thoughts on “Areas for improvement on an Upstart article

  1. Thanks @andreapatena for the commentary post. I am totally for your points regarding the online delivery of the Upstart article. I would also like to add a couple of areas of improvement on the article.

    It is absolutely true that the article contains too much information and statistics that make readers bored. It would be better, as Andrea has mentioned, to put those figures and numbers into dot-points. I would also suggest the author of the article, Nick Harrison, to produce (an) infographic(s) that turns the numbers into visually appealing graphics such that readers would be more engaged and drawn into.

    Apparently Harrison was planning to include an image in the post, as he has attached an image credit line at the bottom, “Featured image by Tudokin via Wikimedia Commons”. It appears that he might have forgotten the image when posting or there was issues in displaying the image. It is recommended that he should preview the post before publishing – which all of us in the class should do so as well.

    Overall, the article is informative and is written well.


  2. I agree with you that there are too many paragraphs and detailed information in the article making it boring for people who only have little time to scan. So, using dot-points is a good idea to highight key points.

    This article should use some relevant pictures, tables and graphs to demonstrate the seriousness of obesity epidemic because this kind of method is the most intuitive.

    Social media sharing buttons should be added for convenient sharing.


  3. Good commentary ! I agree with you that the headline is catching, however, key words such as specific names or locations are not included in it, and it would contribute nothing to search engine optimisation.
    Although the lead is concise and simple for audience, key words are absent as well, I strongly suggest key issue and some specific names such as university’s name, researchers’ names need to be included in lead to improve SEO.
    I also agree with you it is a tedious long story so that sub-headings, bullet points, photos, videos should be added for chunking.
    Hyperlinks are useful to provide background information and quotes from authority people to improve accuracy and authenticity in the news.
    Some features such as social media sharing functions and author’s contact information could be added to contribute to interactivity.


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